Those practical keys were the essence of the course. I like your “silence” one and the “distraction” idea. Neither of those were in the course but they do work.

Questions are always the way to engage the other person. There are other ways to open that door as well, but they are harder to do with someone you do not know at all and may never see again.

A couple of the ideas I remember from the course I taught include several techniques for saying “no’. Today, it’s just not at all acceptable to say no, but, when working with customers (and managers… or employees… or children and spouses), “no” is still valid, at times. The two techniques?

– I’ll give it a final try to see if we can find a way to do that. Are you willing to let me try and get back to you with the answer. I’ll call you by {set a time}.
* If the answer really still is “no”, the call back consists of, “I tried again for you. Here’s the answer I got: {answer} I’m sorry it’s not the answer you wanted, where do you want to go from here?”
* Usually, people give up at this point and live with the “no”. If they won’t, they probably have to tackle something larger like writing to an executive, politician, or getting a lawyer. Regardless, at this point the next step is theirs — accept our decision or take higher action.
* Usually, customers thank you for taking the time to look for and work for their preferred solution, even if it doesn’t work out the way they wanted it to.

– “However,” — This is a great tool for shifting the focus away from the “no” by pointing out reasons or factors in the decision. “However, most people understand that our policy is there to protect their rights, their credit ratings, and their privacy.” “However, you might like to know that we our standard is set this way so that we can server all of customers to a very high standard all the time.”

“However..”, is a difficult skill to learn. It takes practices. It’s so much easier to blurt out “NO” than to look for ways to make a refusal more acceptable.

In either case, we have to learn to accept the realitly that “no” is valid. It protects us as individuals and our organizations. The challenge is making it acceptable to our customers who see it differently and have very valid if different perspectives.

You’re right, Anna, much customer service is about the reason for its existence and not about the practical actions of the person. Performance is about action… “doing”.

P.S., while you’re considering customer service, consider the problem of how an employee tells his or her superior(s) “no” I won’t do that. It might be that the course is illegal or unethical, it might be that it is unwise (though who decides what’s wise and what is not, can be a challenging discussion), or it might be that the proposed action is invasive of the employee’s rights (if such things exist any more.)